It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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