Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
