peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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