Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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