someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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