Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
