Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
