I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
