How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
