dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
