I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
