I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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