I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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