just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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