He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
