just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
