some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
