My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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