Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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