1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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