I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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