Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
this is an emotional support booty call
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
