I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
