I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i dont even know how to be here
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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