believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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