I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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