Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
