dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
