i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
