You're so nebulous sometimes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
