New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
