Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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