So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
