I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
