Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
