Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
