Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
