I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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