Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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