I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
