he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
