Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
