I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
