i just had sex bonerless
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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