help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
