pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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