do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
