i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
