Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
