I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
