I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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