You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
