I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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