Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
