I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
